Why do I do it? HOW do I do it? What is it like? The questions I am asked frequently from people who have just found out that he is gone…. “I could never do it.”  That is what most of them say.

 I do it because I love him. . Because this was his choice, he decided to give his life so others could have better. To give up time with his family, his children so other fathers, mothers, sons and daughters didn’t have to.

 Love, trust, commitment, they are knowing that even when he doesn't have your hand, he still has your heart to hold on to every day and night. I do this because it is the life he chose, and I will always stand by him. I will remember that his honor, courage, and respect, do not outweigh his love for me. I do this for him because of everything he does for me. There is not "how" I do this. There is only me doing it. There is no other thing for me to do. There is no other thing I would rather do.

 There are bad days, there are good days. But only YOU decide if what happens around you actually affects you. So I buck up and cheese it up. I smile, knowing that he makes me happy, and I refuse to cry over somebody who gives up so much for me. He is not anything to be sad about. He is the definition of my happiness. You could do it, too. You would do it. I am not doing anything that any other girlfriend wouldn't. If I am, then frankly you've got some reevaluating of your relationship to do. Why wouldn't you do this for the man you love?

 I am not a part of the silent ranks. I have a voice, and trust me I WILL use it.  I am not the one he left behind I am his constant support and protector of his heart.  .

 I am just a woman, he is just a man, and we are just in love. We are in love through the yelling. We are in love through the tears. We are in love through the distance. His arms are the only arms I will ever need, the only kiss I will ever crave, and the only man I will ever love this deeply again. He is my everything,

When he finally comes home, I will once again cook dinner on a regular basis. I will clean every day instead of once MAYBE twice a week. I will take shorter showers, I will pay more attention to how often I wash my hair. My body pillow will find a new home in my closet. And I no longer will fall asleep next to my computer.  

Yes I have smiled since hes been gone, but this smile will be different. It will be brighter, bigger, and happier. I will be happier.

I cannot wait for him to step off that plane and be in my arms again. I will enjoy and soak up every moment with him until duty calls and he must leave again but however far away, I will always love him and I will always support him.

You don't know, but I'm the girl who cries every morning, and hopes every night for his safe return. I'm the girl who drags herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home. I'm the girl who lies in bed longing for him to be lying next to me. I'm the girl who sits quietly during class because all I can think about is that next moment when he will safely be in my arms again. You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out without the thought of him. I'm the girl who checks my cell phone every five seconds just to make sure I haven't missed his call. I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another man in uniform walks by.

What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level from most. I know the love that spans time and space; that love that most people are constantly searching for. I'm one of the girls who waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make the months apart worth every second. A kiss where everything in the world stops and for what seems like eternity, you can see into that person's soul and know that without them, life is not worth living. You tell me, I'm too young to be "so in love"; I know that love has no age limit. You tell me I don't even understand what love is, I tell you, I know more love in one homecoming, than most know in a life time. You don't know that every time he leaves part of me goes with him and part of him stays with me. You tell me that people change and I tell you, true love with always remain constant and steady. You tell me, I'm too young to be married, I tell you, and I'm too in love to not be. You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; you have no idea. What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of not only love, but of longing and anticipation...

As soon as I got off from work, I got a message from Terra saying that my honey was okay. I was so happy I cried. And rushed home to read his email. Aaron (my boss) and I were listening to his 60's mix on his MP3 player and this was one of the songs that came on. And its true, wild horses couldn't drag me away from him. I wont let anyone or anything get in-between us and our future together. I love you with all of my heart babe. Remember YOU and YOU alone have the key to my heart baby. Its yours, always has been and always will be.

I love you a lox x a trillion divided by a thousand plus a million...
xoxoxoxo

<3 your future wifey

The Long Road Ahead

 Since you've been gone. I'm doing a lot better than I had originally thought I would. I thought I'd have been so emotionally messed up that I'd have to call into work today. But I got my butt out of bed and busted my butt at work. As I got ready to leave Ben (the kenyan guy i work with) asked if my shift was over, and then preceded to say,  "Go home crawl into bed, get smashed, cry, sleep and then you can talk to your boyfriend around 2am" Half of me wanted to be I wish it was THAT easy, and the other just wanted to punch him in the face! UGH! 

Terra is taking good care of me, she even called to check up on me after she knew that I got off work, and she was on her break. She drives me crazy sometimes, but that girls got a good heart even if shes a pretty pretty princess. lol. 

This morning before I left for work Tigerlilly was sitting on your blanket that I have and I covered her most of the way so that she wouldnt get cold and when I got home she was in the exact same spot that I left her. I know she misses you too because I dont think shes left the bed/your blanket since you left.

I love you SO much baby. I can't wait for you to come home so we can start our life together. 

<3 your army wife in training